i think…

so, tonight makes about two weeks of not getting to sleep good until at least 2am. there are lots of things on my mind, most of which i would love to not share but, to address a few, here have been a few thoughts:

death cab for cutie make the most creative alt/pop rock/big band music out of most other bands these days. at least out of bands i listen to. which, lately, has been quite a few. lots to be more precise.

im a tone freak. ask anybody i play with regularly, and they will tell you i am constantly fiddling with, buying, trading, selling, or fixing pedals. alwalys. its an addiction. seriously.

i miss a lot of old friends. today, well, yesterday being easter, i saw a lot of people at church that i miss their friendships. the simple hey how are you’s made me realize how fast im growing up. and how long it had been since i had seen them.

life is starting to force me to grow up. its no fun. none. at all. cant stress that enough. the situations you have to grow up for cause and bring absolutely no satisfaction to my life right now.

239 miles mean something so much more than just a number. also, refer to situations previously mentioned.

i have lots of thoughts about misson trips planned for this summer at northside. here is just a glimpse. several shirt companies make, in my opinion, extremely humorous prints about the places we are planned to go to. take this for an example. outline of two states that are quite small, but fit perfectly up next to each other. shirt reads V______, spooning with N__ H________ since 1791. another you say? there is a picture of a lumberjack type man, with this state as his head. Shirt reads V______, yep, nothin’ much goin’ on here! i think these are so funny.

said state has just passed some interesting laws. one being that as of september 1st of this year, this state will allow same-sex marriage. currently civil unions are recognized. since the 1970’s this state has been a democratic state. even when most states voted republican. in 1936, when roosevelt was reelected, this state and maine were the only states to oppose. this state is the only state that george w bush has never even been to. only one county in this state voted republican out of the past 8 elections, and it was for bush, in his 1st term. this state is one of a handful that still allow anyone to run as a state or city official, allowing any political party to be represented. they allow citizens to carry firearms without permit. this state is one of four that can still succeed. and is the only state that in every election votes to succeed. in 2005 those for succession were 8%. this past year, that number more than doubled. needless to say, these are very liberal thinkers, who do not like bush, and love anyone who isnt a republican. not that i am a card holding republican, but i would definitely consider myself much more conservative than liberal. also, this is the least churched state. whatever that means. i live in the heart of texas. in my hometown of about 30 thousand people, there are at least thirty different churches. here are some stats. this state is the 49th most populated state.* read-2nd least populated state. passed only by wyoming. 608,827 people. right next door to me is nearly 6.4 million people making up the 3rd largest metro area in the US. thats more than ten times the number of people in dfw area, than the entire state. i cant fathom that. either of those numbers dont make sense to me, especially when compared together. only 24% of the states population report to attending church regularly. that low number is matched only by new hampshire. last year 34% of the state claimed no religion. no other state is that low. this state and new hampshire COMBINED are less likely to attend church services, much less believe in God at 46% of the populations, than any other state, by itself,  being 26%. also IBM makes up 25% of the states jobs.

dallas is a really big city.

every time i go to whataburger it is an experience. many odd times have been had at whataburgers all across america.

twitter is fascinating. bono has some profound words every day. i recommend you check him out.

i forgot about how nerve wracking waiting on acceptance letters is.

i am only getting a taste of how loans feel. and dont even have one yet.

i got an automatic airsoft gun. it is perfect for the drive-by shooting. its not accurate whatsoever, but boy does it shoot fast.

i hate when high school girls write all over my car right after i washed it. hate it. funny, i used to soak it in and it would make my week back in high school. hate it now though.

cash does that too. so, high school girls, and cash.

if i was not a fan of obama, pre becoming president, i am sure not a fan of post becoming president obama. he just sucks at fixing an economy. and not making jokes about special olympics on live tv with millions watching. and wearing any other colored suit besides navy blue and a white shirt. 

im tired now. im sure in a few days, when i have nothing better to do and still cant sleep for the same reason, i will come back and write out some more thoughts. i didnt talk abbot what i really wanted to, so hopefully you will get the exodus 32, dont underestimate God story some other time.

much love. stay classy.

not the band. cool thing about tonight, and this post: today begins a journey. a quest. a self-evaluation. a testing. i am reading a book. and a bog part of the book is a test. really the whole thing is. its basically a one hundred and ninety nine page self-evaluating, life applications, how love like Christ loves book. now, most of the time i would say these type books are completely bogus. probably because most of them dont come back to Christ. each chapter, every small two to six page chapter, each a day, are daily devotionals to apply to your life, for the betterment of those around me. after all, though we are all human, we all kinda suck at life. any book giving solid biblical principles, multiple scriptures per day, and easy to remember verses is a good book in my…book.

you may or may not know this, but i am not a reader. i am not a studier. i do not go over text time and time again to remember, or labor over novels for pure pleasure. i do not find joy in it. at all. many times, too often than not, i end up reading very tiny bits, or only parts of bible stories because i find the meaning, or purpose, whatever it may be, i tell myself i understand. i have learned the lesson and move on. the end. no lingering throughout the day or week. but this book. this book i am excited about. it has got a little of everything. yes my bible is a huge tool in my life and i try to find myself in the word more now than i have in a long time, and happily can say that im doing pretty good.

i have always been a fan of love. especially when Jesus is talking about love. Jesus loves me. this i know. john fifteen is my absolute favorite passage. in all of the bible. its incredible. i dig me some red letter lovin’. and a book all about how Christ loves us, how we share that love with others, and how to love ourselves, in another way than the red letters of john fifteen, seems like a good read. useful to say the least.

all that to say: i bought a book. i intend to make a long journey through this book, and hopefully see results in myself, and even more hopefully, you, my dearest friend whom i love, can tell a difference  in me because i want to change. i really do. and i want that change to be directly reflective of what God is doing in my life, each and every day.

on a completely other story, junior league basketball ended yesterday morning. though i dreaded the 630 am saturday morning, every saturday for eight weeks, i got paid to be there. seriously though, i have never had such a change of heart in being awake before 9am than in sixth grade basketball games. every saturday morning for the past eight weeks, i hang out with, minister to, witness to, and love on people who i have never met before. i had such a huge opportunity, and i am so glad i was able to get the position. i can not lie, at first it was because of the money, but by the third week i realized, 1. im not getting paid until the very end so make the best of it now and 2. God has placed me in such an incredible position in my community. i absolutely loved it. before each basketball game, i got to share a little part of my heart, a verse which was normally a ‘romans road’ verse, and talk about love. i had a little sheet of things to talk about but God spoke to me every morning on the way of what to say and how to get His point across. to share a little bit, the first four weeks, God taught me about how i am a sinner, and so i shared that with kids. though i was quite a bit older (they were all sixth grade kids) i was still a sinner. so i told the kids about how even though we go to school every day, hang out with the same kids, see the same people, some in our circle of friends, and most not, we are all sinners. me, their parents, them, their coaches, the refs, their teammates. we are all sinners. after each of the ’sinners’ lessons, i shared about times when we could do better in things. it was awesome to see how each week the kids all had relatively the same struggles. some were different obviously, but they all were open to share and wanted to get better about the things they fought with. then God brought me grace. He showed me that although i take Him and His love for granted far more than i deserve, He still loves me. for the last few weeks God has challenged me to share, to surrender, to work for, and to strive to have His name higher than mine. So in light of that, i challenged the kids to share what they have. Almost all of the kids who played basketball (im too lazy to number them right now, but i will later and tell you how cool these kids and coaches were next time) were christians, or at least understood that Christ loves them, and were in pursuit of a life that shows they love Him too. i love how sixth graders word things. one kid named oscar talked to me for a while last week after his game about how his parents were catholic, and that he didnt understand whether he was a christian or a catholic, because he loves everyone because Jesus says to, but his mom really liked mary more than Jesus. ‘mom says because she had Jesus as a baby, and because having a baby hurts, she liked her more’-oscar. i challenged the kids in our little circle around the northside  logo at center court to share what God has done in their life to someone who they have known for a long time. after all, when i was in sixth grade i was scared of my own shadow let alone ’someone i dont know’. to see sixth graders, from weatherford texas, kids who more than likely go to a church the next sunday morning somewhere in weatherford, wanting to share God and share the love that died on a cross, and paid for the times we fall back and love ourselves before all else, with kids they go to school with, their teammates, coaches, the refs, and their own parents. its kept me pretty excited to say the least. 

thats all for now. this one is long, its been forever and a day since i last ‘updated my life’. in closing, know that i love you, i am praying for you, the reader, my friend, and hope that my long, kind of lame story about sixth grade basketball and Jesus has brought you a little hope. a little love. and a little joy. maybe even a smile. or at least a smirk. or face contortion. or…yep, that thing youre doing right now. that works too.

‘i wonder what his book is’ you ask. well, heres a few lines from todays reading and challenge…after the scriptures.

1st corinthians 13:1-3-if i speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, i have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. if i have the gift of prophesy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if i have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, i am nothing. and if i give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if i surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

“love  works. it is ‘ most powerful motivator and has far greater depth and meaning than most people realize. it always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. we are born with a life long thirst for love. our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. love changes our motivation for living. relationships become meaningful with it…love will inspire you to become a patient person. when you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. you are slow to anger. you choose to have a  long fuse instead of a quick temper. rather than being restless and demanding, love helps you settle down and begin extending mercy to those around you. patience brings an internal calm during an external storm.” good stuff.

‘You’re already here when i call Your name. You’ve been reaching out for me. You already see me there, crying wondering where You’ve gone. will You hold me in Your arms till the morning comes? will You hold me till the morning comes?’ i love that song.

so…i need to update my life…so i am told.

here is what i want to do this time. i want to ask a few questions. and instead of them being nonsense, ‘i wanted to read clint’s blog because im bored and hearing how friends lives are really going without having that conversation with them is a lot better than actually sitting through that conversation and finding out how their life is’. or me asking questions, you thinking of your answers and then not being nice enough to post them back, or reply, because that is the whole intent of doing this….thats just mean. and rude.

so; here are my questions.

what music do you like?

what 3 cds have listened to most over the past few weeks?

what motivates you?

what are 2 of your short term goals?

what are 2 long term goals?

is there anyone in your life that pushes you towards those goals?

what are you called to do this week?

how do you plan on making an impact on your surroundings this week?

is there something you need to make up your mind on?

paper or plastic?…and not in the grocery store kind of way.

find me a band: sounds like keane, rocks like jet, and harmonizes like elton john and billy joel. winner gets lunch.

think of someone who you are good friends with, that you havent even talked to in a few weeks. call or text them. you’ll be glad you did. i promise.

i am the recreational director, student worship coordinator, and a friendly-face-on-staff at northside baptist church. and i am proud of myself.

i love the parker family. they have truly accepted me and taken me in, and i am thankful for their love. i love their daughter and they…well…they put up with me at least.

want some inspiration?

We run to Your throne
Where we belong
Every heart will sing
That Jesus is Lord
Casting all else aside
For the joy of our Christ
Let Your glory fall
Our hearts are filled with Your fire

ask me how early i’ve gone to bed the past 3 nights. and what new music i’ve been listening too. go ahead. do it.

so, ive been gettign yelled at by several people to update everyone with my life, via wordpress….so:

im halfway through the bible/book study i started a few weeks ago. it seems to be going well…im learning a lot, but not applying  so quickly. hopefully it will turn around soon.

new opportunities in the future have come up, and i must say, they sound incredible. things near, things far. but the ones afar sound especially riveting. needless to say, i will be purchasing some rosetta stone software in within the next year. of what language i hope to disclose before that happens. something to pray about for sure.

ive been…(i cant think of the word to use)…ill think of it later and continue this thought…

i have had some good times with lance lately. he’s been driving in a little more often, and we’ve had some solid talks. good times hanging christmas lights as well. reba knows.

not that i have decided for any reason, just thinking. dreaming, we’ll say. but i decided on my ’side’. you can figure out what im talking about if you want. john merrill, lance, jacob, hayden, st…(insert brother-in-law’s name here)…i know its 5, and 5 is an odd number, but i make six

i have found myself in search of tone again. blues has been my addiction for a few weeks. i have been really limited of what i get to play with lately. but heres what i have liked and played lately:

vintage 63 strat>klon (anything sounds good with a klon)> reissue twin reverb

epiphone broadway>reissue ts808>zvex 2 in 1>bassman

gretsch 6120dsv (pickups sounds aaaaaaaamazing)>2 in1> ac30cc2x

les paul deluxe gold top>fulldrive2 mos>keeley katana>marshall 2061x>avatar 2×12 greenbacks (most incredible rock tone ive ever heard. ever. ever.)

american deluxe tele>fulldrive2 mos> twin reveb

mind you, this was all in one day. my ears hated to love me. so much goodness in one day, but still, walked away ringing. i do love the sound im getting these days though. hopefully there is a super reverb coming my way around january. at an astonishingly low price at that.

im still loving the mariner. good wheels.

and no, i still dont know what to get you for christmas…so…what do you want?

the christmas party went really well. everyone loved it. the room looks amazing. the click track has changed our lives. drastically. thanks to alesis. they make good products.

someone please get me some new music. lynard skynard just came on shuffle.

although, i should be a simple kind of man…

so, copy/paste from janettes blog, who got it from mendys. these are good to do. lets you see your finished sentece of these, honest, blunt, and without holding back. i know these are going to seem pretty lame and bummed out, but its early/late in the morning/night, and its getting cooler. hence, the seasonal sadness that falls upon me. i learned that about myself 4 years ago. winter, though i have a deep love for the season, brings great weight and sadness to my life. i cant explain why…but then again. can i now?

I am: trying so hard to be in control…when i know im not.

I dream: of all those days we talk about. about ‘one day’.

I think: about everything way to much, and too deep.

I know: i’m loved, but sometimes dont remember that so quickly.

I want: to not be hurting.

I have: been through a lot. all of which makes me who i am today.

I wish: life was easier. and the situations He’s put me in were simpler.

I hate: seeing people hurting. to see the faces of those broken down, with no help.

I miss: lots. friends, seeing her face in the mornings, seeing the simple things in life.

I fear: so much right now. so much.

I feel: torn. i know i could do so much more to better this place, but sit back so often.

I hear: that song. that song blaring inside of me, but cant get it out.

I smell: nickel on my fingers. been trying to play the song out of myself. cant find it.

I crave: to live with those in need. to share the love.

I search: for answers with no obvious signs anymore.

I wonder: about…everything.

I regret: not doing anything about my life now, years ago.

I love: my God, family, girlfriend, friends, and those ive yet to meet.

I ache: when i think for longer than 2 minutes.

I care: for us, and the life were called to.

I always: stress….i sense a consistent.

I am not: looking forward to another semester, and the decisions having to be made.

I believe: that this is it.

I dance: for and with special people only.

I sing: because theres a song inside, needing out, to worship my living King.

I cry: when im not tough enough.

I don’t always: say the right thing.

I fight: with myself more than anyone else.

I write: when im scared.

I win:…just kidding.

I lose: my motivation and logic way to fast under pressure and stressed. *read ‘i lost:…’

I never: want to let her down.

I confuse: myself more than anyone else…and i confuse a lot of people.

I listen: less than i talk. not a good thing.

I can usually be found: at northside…that could be a long answer…

I am scared: of failure. and not knowing the reason im here. not there.

I need: to realize its up to me. no one can do this for me.

I am happy: when i see God shine.

I desire: to grow deeper in my relationships with those who i love and love me.

I hope: that i dont sink. and drown. and lose.

I have to:..shut up. dont get me started.

the purity of white roses amaze me.

if you were a flower, what would you be?

if there was a white rose on the ground, beaten, torn, scuffed up, stem broken, pedals ripped, color faded, dirty, and used, would you pick it up?

who wants the dirty rose?

go to john 8 with me please. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%208&version=31

friend. the law says shes guilty. she was caught in the act. not heard she had been, but caught in the act. if you can never believe that Jesus loves you where you are, like you are, what youre doing, or what you think. get this.

this is what draws me to Him. what amazes me. not that He’s turning me into something, but that he loves me right now. He loves me for me. for you.

the woman hadnt even repented. she was guilty as can be. according to the law worthy of death, and Jesus says “do they not say youre guilty? then neither do i.” thats love.

its the kindness that leads to repentance.

if that doesnt do it for you. track with me here. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke%207:36-50;&version=31;

my struggle is this. i know Jesus can love the whore, but i have a hard time with Him loving the pharisee.

one of my favorite lines, and words of love “go in peace.”

He said “go in peace.” not “go in regret.”

ill tell you who wants the dirty rose. Jesus wants the rose. He wants all of us. broken and nasty, filthy to our core, and Jesus loves us still.

and feeling old. aaaaaaaaaaalright.

happy birthday dallis! im so glad we share the same birthday. small world. Gods funny.